Do you know what it means to hold space? I’ve had so many tell me, I don’t know how to hold space. I don’t even know what that means. So if that’s you, listen in.
First I’m going to tell you what holding space is not. Well, it’s not actually doing anything. It’s more being. Holding space is not spiritual bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is basically suppressing, period. And it’s very yang, too much divine masculine energy. It’s the misuse of the divine masculine within you. It requires a lot of energy to suppress. If you can imagine how much energy it takes to hold a beach ball underwater. Trying to hold it under water, no matter what, it’s going to pop up somewhere. It requires a lot of energy to keep it suppressed. The cycle of suppressing what needs to come up will keep it coming up in your experience until you hold space for it and let it play out. Let it come to the surface without judgment and it will pop like a bubble.
Now we’re getting into what holding space is and what it feels like to hold space. If I see something happening in my environment that I don’t like, whether it’s in my virtual environment, things happening that I am exposed to with what I look at, with what I allow into my experience, and there might be something happening that I don’t like. Or maybe I do like it. It doesn’t matter what it is that is happening, whether you judge it as like it or not, it’s still happening in your experience.
In order to hold space, first you need a container.
This is the part so many of us are missing. In order to hold space, first you create a container to hold the space. You’re not judging what is happening. You’re not trying to change it. And here’s the important part, you want to let go of what your mind thinks of it because the more your mind thinks about it, the more you are unable to hold space.
You can’t hold space for anything to happen and have a busy mind at the same time.
When you’re a witness to something and your mind really wants react with judgements, beliefs, opinions, criticisms, ideas, your programming, this reacting is actually the definition of spiritual bypassing. If you react to your space and tell somebody what you think and feed the situation, this is a form of spiritual bypassing, because you are continuing that energy cycle. Holding space in a container allows the cycle to play out and completely disappear.
Seventy percent or more of our language is nonverbal. Non verbal communication is my specialty. So when you hold space and create a container, you are creating a way to communicate for whatever is happening. This is the power of holding space.
This is where transformations happen
Because if you’ve ever experienced getting emotional and you’re reacting and in the Mind with lots of thoughts and you’re in a very spinning moment and somebody tells you that ‘you’re too much’, what do you do? You stop the processing of the nervous system to release whatever needed to be released. You don’t allow that energy to play out. That energy has to play out. Now you’re suppressing it. Now you’re telling yourself that you’re too much, you shouldn’t be doing that, etc.
We create these blocks in the nervous system. The mechanisms within the nervous system and by the act of suppressing it creates reactive loops and we may behave in unwanted reactive ways. What we can do is hold space, whether it’s happening to yourself or you are a witness of it. This is the hardest thing for many of us to do because right now, so many of us are triggered that even hearing a word we come become so offended and reactive. This blocks communication because now we are in our thoughts as to the justification and the reasons why we’re so offended. We completely lose the container and the wonderful healing space we created. Both can’t be happening at the same time and we have the power to choose!
What we’re not doing is hearing 70% of communication that’s behind the words
What we can do when we find ourselves in that situation is hold space for that feeling to play out and die instead of reacting to it and feeding it. This is the power we have and we don’t even know it. And then on the other side of that, now that we know it, we can no longer misuse it because it really is an ignorant misuse of our power and we are creating situations.
An example of a pet owner, I will watch the tighter the owner gets, the more reactive the animal becomes. And it’s true when the pet owner is calm, the calmer the animal is. When you’re in a calm state with your animal, this is the best time to communicate and when you’re holding the space, you’re allowing whatever is happening.
If your child or an animal is acting out, hold space, let it play out and then say is there anything else you need? What can I do for you? Just hold space and allow them to be? And this is the hardest thing for our mind to do. And it’s the easiest thing for your being to do. It’s the most natural thing to hold space to be a witness, not try to change it to allow it to play out. If you are a practitioner of any kind, here’s an extra step, allow yourself to upload the learnings of what you just witnessed and held space for and this is healing on deep levels that many times we don’t recognize it, begin to see transformation within not only your life, but in the lives of those around you.
Holding space is a way to share your light
Hold space as a way to share your light and your energy to expand, open, and to practice transcending the mind. The mind is going to do its thing, and you’re going to feel your mind coming in when you hold space. It my try to reason with you saying, this is stupid, it doesn't work, just tell it like it is…etc. Only recognize it. Thank the mind and then come back to holding space. One of the things NLP teaches is to connect to the senses kinesthetically, auditorily, visually, through smell, and taste. Use your senses to create the space and the container!
If you’re holding space and you’re having a hard time with the mind coming with lots of thinking, connect to your senses. connect to 2 or 3 senses and focus on something with your eyes, listen to something with your ears, focus on a smell, or feel something in your body. If you can focus on 2–3 senses, your mind can’t come in and break up the space you’re creating and holding. Only you can let it. Your mind is going to come. This is the practice.
It is a practice to hold space
And it must start with you. Hold space for yourself. Allow space to make the mistakes, to say the things, to allow whatever is happening. Now that you know the importance of holding space and how to hold space and to no longer spiritually bypass because when you’re holding space, even though your eyes might be focused in on something and you’re using your senses to really stay in that space of open, expanding, instead of being in the Mind thinking thoughts, you can focus in on what it is you’re looking at and really listen.
Look at something, it doesn’t have to be a person, it could be the wall, it could be the picture on the wall, Your eyes are focused in on something in the environment that you’re in, and listen, expand your listening to whatever is being said and not said. Focus in on a sound, focus in on someone who might be experiencing something and feel what they are feeling. This is a wonderful way to hold space for prayers and prayer doesn’t mean words. It’s a state of being and feeling you create in the environment that you’re in, in the container that you created. It could be the room you’re in, the city you’re in, the planet you’re on, the solar system you’re in. There’s no limit. This part of you is unlimited.
The mind, the thinking, the thoughts, judgments, opinions, all of those things are the human part of you, the doing part of you. And it’s very limited. When you hold space, there is no doing, only being. I encourage you whatever is happening around you, hold space. Listen to what’s not being said, what’s not being seen, what’s not being heard. Make your ears big on the inside and really listen for the 70% of communication that is nonverbal.
We host talks of just holding space on the Wisdom App. Holding space and being within the space together, we become lit up energetically throughout the world. No matter where you are on this planet, become a container and let whatever it is happening play out and then fizzle out. If we feed it and allow our thoughts to take over and become reactive, then it doesn’t fizzle out and die, it keeps going. In fact, you feed it your energy and it drains you. When you hold space and allow it to fizzle out, guess who benefits from receiving all of that energy that just fizzled out? So, if you are an energy worker, you know what you just read. You know the power you have on an energetic level and everything happens metaphysically first before it manifests physically. When you can make changes on this level, this is when profound transformation happens.
If you’re a parent, hold space for your child. Don’t react to your child anymore. If you have a cat or dog that is misbehaving, it’s trying to communicate with you, and if you are getting frustrated, it’s because you are the one who is not communicating, not holding space for whatever it is that is happening and being expressed. And there is communication trying to happen. And when communication doesn’t happen, frustration happens on all sides and we’re all experiencing this right now, just look around you. There is a way to fix it!
Everything that’s creating fear, anger, distrust, division, uncertainty, etc., in our shared experience is miscommunication. Many people are even more confused with communication which feeds a certain agenda or what some people call energy vampires or pendulums. It’s an energy construct that we are reacting to and feeding. And if allowed it to play out without feeding it, without reacting to it, and holding a container for it to fizzle out, you’ve gained that energy while healing and transformation happens, it cannot help but happen.
Now you know how to hold space. You can begin to see the transformation now just by knowing how to hold space. You get the value of knowing how to do this but may need some help, let’s connect and explore how we can help. Sometimes suppressed past trauma can prevent us from being able to hold space for ourselves or anyone else. We first have to learn how to hold space for ourselves. If that’s you or if you feel that this would be something that you can bring to your organization, we teach how to hold space as part of our wellness programs, they are very in-depth, transformational, and intense in a good way. So if that’s something you’re interested in, definitely send a message deni@heartfeltawakening.com and in the meantime, keep being amazing.
I’m holding space for you.
